Very little is needed to make a happy life, it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking ~ Marcus Aurelius

As the holidays come to an end I reflect on what a crazy, busy, and enlightening year 2015 turned out to be.  The biggest lesson I learned was that perspective is everything.  Perspective: a particular attitude or way of regarding something.  By putting all the events of 2015 on paper – it was a bad year.  It was the worst year of me life.  Not because of one particular event, or instance, but because of how much went on in the small time frame of 12 months.  Let’s take a look at my 2015.

• January 20th ~I had a prophylactic double mastectomy – I had recently found out that I was BRCA positive – and going through with the surgeries was the option I chose.  My husband was also gone, he was on an extended work trip and i was terrified, I had never had surgery/stitches/broken bones, the fear of the unknown was real.
• May – I followed up with my reconstruction surgery.
• June – My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer.  Again.  She had beat ovarian cancer when she was 64, but because we carry the BRCA mutation cancer can be persistent.  It was a slap in the face – I thought my family’s awful history with cancer had come to an end because we had discovered the gene and were taking steps to prevent it.  I was wrong.
• July – My mother went in for her double mastectomy – because she has the mutation as well.  Her recovery was not as easy as mine, and being in California while she was in Virginia with complications was difficult. 
• August – Adicous couldn’t be left out of the loop – he tore his ACL and had to have surgery ($5500) with a  long and extensive recovery period.  We were planning on going to Thailand for Christmas, but with that unexpected cost we decided to hold back.  I love that damn dog, even though he has cost me more money than a down payment for a house.
• October – My grandmother’s cancer progressed, and she opted out of treatment.  I can’t say I blame her, if she had proceeded with the treatment the cancer would have come back in another year.  You come to a realization that quality of life is more important.  So my mom packed her bags and moved to Florida to take care of her while she was dying.  This was the second time she would do this – she took care of my aunt as she died from breast cancer at the age of 43.
• October/November – I was back in forth between San Diego and Florida doing everything and anything I could to help my mom with my grandmother.  Taking care of someone dying is trying.  It is mentally exhausting and physically draining.  It can be harder to see someone so vibrant and full of life slip away than the actual death.
• November – my grandmother passed away.  This even completely rocked my world.  She was supposed to be living until she was much older (she was 77) surrounded by loved ones watching her birds.  This disease that has consumed a portion of my life, and completely altered my habits, had won. Again.  Cancer had taken 3 women in my life, and I was not well.  I thought the cycle was broken. Again, I was wrong.

Looking at all of that on paper – 2015 sucked. It was the year from hell and it was the year I just wanted to quit – do you ever feel like that? I quit Life, you win.  I mean I can’t sugar coat it.  But I CAN tell you how I dealt with it.  I was positive, I had a healthy perspective and I fought like hell to find the beauty in everything.  I expected there to always be an upside, I demanded this life of mine to give me more.  And it did, by making it my most rewarding year ever.

The double mastectomy was rough without my husband (he was not happy I did it when he was gone), but it allowed me to spend wonderful time with my parents and mother in-law, who all flew out to help me.  It also helped me realize how incredibly strong my body was, and how much a healthy positive attitude REALLY makes a difference.  I was up and doing activities by day four after my surgery, and each week I was allowed to increase my activity.  I was back in spin class 3 weeks after (with permission from my dr.)  The doctors and nurses couldn’t believe how fast my recovery was – and it is all due to my positive perspective, working out, and eating well.  When my husband came home we went to Fiji where I was diving with sharks just 3 months after – I wanted women to realize BRCA is not an end all. 

Even though I was with my mom for her surgery, the complications started after I left.  It’s never easy being away from family, especially in times like this.  She recovered and is doing incredible today.

Adicous also recovered, making it to the Grand Canyon and Sedona with us last weekend.  You would have no idea that dog tore his ACL – he is still super high energy and very demanding for physical activity.  Even though we didn’t make it to Thailand, we did some American road trips that really proved, yet again, how gorgeous this country really is.

There is no positive spin on losing a loved one.  But if you reflect on my grandmothers life – it was a good, rich, loving one.  She traveled all over the country to see her birds, she had 3 grand children, and 5 great grandchildren.  She was sweet, and sassy, and a handful.  She lived her life exactly as she wanted as well as dying the way she wanted.  And she was ok with that.

2016 is already gearing up to be an amazing year (fingers crossed) so many new adventures ahead.  More on that later….

The point is life is ever changing, the good, the bad, the highs, the lows – it never ends.  Difficult times pass, they always do, so try to keep your head up, and keep looking for the beauty.  It is beautiful, this thing called life.

XO ~ Shannon